MAKE-UP!

My new obsession. I'm not great yet but I'm getting better. When I'm bored (especially all this summer), this is what I did LoL.

Down.........but NEVER OUT!

President (ME!) & Vice Prez of the Pre-Alumni Council at the New Student Orientation Fair..GOO PANTHERS!


....So I messed up. Big time. Last semester was HORRIBLE for me. I give no excuses for my academic performance so I'll just get to the gist of the grades. 2 Bs, 2 Fs, 1 D. HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE!

I wish there was a way to explain how I felt when I got those grades and WORSE, the GPA. Of course, the thought of dropping out crossed my mind quite a few times after I EARNED the grades or maybe even pushing school off for a year but I knew that wasn't a good idea. However, waiting to CHANGE THOSE GRADES the next semester also wasn't an option. SO, I did what I promised myself I would never do again since the 5th grade: Summer School.

This was extremely hard because in total I took 4 (The three classes I did bad in and an extra Physical Science course that I would need) classes totaling around $3,500! It was not easy raising and saving this money. In fact, it was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. Along with summer school, I moved into my new apartment (and out of the dorms), increased my work hours at the gig, and continued to volunteer with my mentoring program. I stretched myself thin going from Philander Smith College to University of Little Rock Arkansas to work to mentoring.

I can still physically feel the stress of the weight of it all. However, none of that mattered to me. I had/have something to prove to others and most importantly, myself. I don't think I've ever truly believe that I could succeed but I decided this summer that I had no choice but to. I'm not an F, D, C, or even a B girl. I'm A+ status and all that I do will reflect that from now on.

So I took those classes. THREE A's and one ugly B (it was an online course that wasn't clearly described). This raised my cumulative GPA from a 2.2 to a 3.35, the highest it has been since I've entered college. And it will only get higher and higher.... I will only get higher and higher.

It has taken some time...but I'm finally beginning to get it..(Praise the Lord!)

Up next: The Goals 09-10

Freshen Yo' Breath Up Commercial

....All in fun.

Diary Entry 6/25/09

On today, Michael Jackson died

On today, for the first time, I couldn't hear the music

On today, I was completely alone

(Never dreamed I'd say this..)

Rest In Peace Michael Jackson

1958-....Forever

....I'm back!

Please excuse the extended absence! Life...has been life.

Its summertime and I'm here still in Little Rock, AR. Unfortunately, I didn't do as well as I could've last semester but instead of getting depressed and sad about it...I'm going to change it. I failed two classes and got a D in another class. I don't play that. All three of those classes are being taken over THIS SUMMER. I've just completed the class I got a D...which I now have an A in!!!!!!!!!.. So I'm taking two other classes, Intro To Social Work and Personal Health and I'll be getting the grades for them next month!...I'll guarantee you that they will be As! I'm also taking a physical science class now at PSC. I figure it'll be easier taking it for one month then for a whole semester.

I've moved into my own apartment! I'm excited about it still. I actually moved into another apartment before this one but it had a rodent problem so I had to zoooooooooooooooooooom out of there with a quickness! It's been a struggle staying afloat financially but I'm managing. I had to take out my first student loan EVER this summer for 2,500. Definitely one of the TOUGHEST things I've ever had to do. I've always said NOOO LOANS but I had to do what I had to do. I'm still working (although my hours are constantly getting cut) and I know things are going to get better.

I have been kind of sad lately. The world lost a great person, artist, performer, philanthropist last week. I was raised on MJ so losing him was equivalent to losing a family member. I'll explain it more in another post.

Anyways, the upcoming post will be a tribute to MJ, my half-year goal check up, ect.

.....Perseverance

I've never been a quitter. It just has never been my style. I'd rather not start on a project at all then to quit in the middle of it. My time is far too precious for that (AND COULD BE USED FOR SLEEP!). We've only been FOUR months into the new year and for the bulk of it, I've been depressed. Depressed about school, grades, secret goal (lOL), money, Money, MONEY. However, even during this time, I've been feeling myself shifting. Even while in profound sadness, I keep trying. I don't give up. This time around, I persevered as if I had not a care in the world. ...............I guess what I'm trying to say is....I'm much stronger than I was before.


Anyways, I've got a JOB! YAY! It took forever but I have one now. The school semester is winding down and finals are right around the corner. I'm ready! I'm currently looking for apartments since I plan to stay off campus next semester. I know that I'm eligible for grants back home so that will definitely help with my start up costs.

All in all, I think I'm going to be ok.

Retro Blog Post

...This is old skoo....but just as relevent (if not more...)

Are babies the new trend amongst teenage girls? Have I been left outta the loop or something? Everywhere I go, I see girls I used to go to school with, rocking oversized abdominals like they're the revival of the high waist pants or something! I mean, I'm confused! When I was a lil shorty, I watched Lifetime network for guidance on how I was supposed to live (Some of ya'll might find this funny but I don't care...Lifetime and self-help books raised me to the be the woman I am now) and Lifetime stressed the importance of waiting to have babies. So I waited...but now, at 20...I'm feeling like maybe I need to follow the in-crowd or something.

I saw this young pregnant girl the other day on the bus and asked her 'Where did you get that from?' as I pointed to her extended stomach and she told me 'Ohhh grrrl, you can get it anywhere. They on sale'. So I went home and looked in the mirror and pretended to have 'one'... It was soooo exciting until I realized...what the hell happens once 'it' comes out? I mean, 'my eggo can't be preggo forever' (I love Juno). What happens when the most fashionable item of the season becomes the newest human addition to society? You see, the difference between high waist pants and babies are that one of them can be taken off. The other is there. Forever. Forcing us to trade in our dollars saved for style for $20 cans of Enfamil.

Earlier last year, I decided that leggings was a trend that just shouldn't have happened. I mean, come on! Leggings are meant to be worn in dance class and as pajamas! They aren't cute! So I don't wear them. So, as tempting as the new (if I can even call it new) pregnancy fad may be, I'll think I'll pass. Because I'll wear some neon pink, zebra-stripped, leather tights in public before I ever spend 20 bucks on some baby food.

-S.D.

So...

(sorry for the lack of posts...school is tearing me down! I'm still standing though...)

...I'm thinking about writing a book. Not an autobiography though. LoL...I can't stand that people know as much as they do about me. I want to write a fiction. A novel, I guess. What do ya'll think? Would I really be able to make money writing a book? (Hate to sound money-hungry but we are in a recession LoL) Would anyone read it? Once I finish it, then what? Do I slap on a title page, staple the pages together and sale them myself? SOOO MANY QUESTIONS...

In the meantime, check out some true goofyness

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/video/video.php?v=69152872789&ref=nf

Money...or lack thereof..

I'm completely broke. Not the kind where you just have to cut back on certain expenses. The kind of broke to where you can barely afford to pay respect LoL. I know I need to learn to manage my money better but I've never been good at it. Ever. I'm looking up some money managment material now and trying to internalize the lessons for it so next time I get some money, I won't be in this situation. My growing make-up and clothes obsession probably aint helping this situation either.

I'm currently looking for a part-time job. As a college student, I'm starting to see the effects of the economic recession we're in. I can't get a job ANYWHERE!

Midterms are this week. Pray for me, ya'll!

The Get-Ryte Plan..revised

ALRIGHT!! A sistah has been working out! Like seriously working out! I feel good too! Well...I would feel good if I didn't sneak in 4 peices of candy : (...BUT heeey! Who decided to leave a bag full of Valentine's Day candy in my car anyways? Anyways, I'm going back to the gym on Wednesday afternoon...maybe Thursday..definitely Friday. Today, after my 45 minute cardio (elyptical machine...I LOVE THAT THING!), I did some weight training working primarily on my stomach, legs, and glutes...I'm burning all over too. Loves it!

Anyways, my meals are very irregular here. I'm trying to eat healthy. I live in dorms though and have to eat Caf food. It's been hard!

UPDATE: I just ate THREE slices of pizza...alright. Since I'm playing games...I'm going to do a Jillian Michaels workout tape.

I have to lose this weight!

Goal #7 update (Good and Bad Hair)

Well, I've reached one of my goals for '09. I know I know...It's soo soon but like I said in the profile description...I'm makin' moves so ya need to keep up! Anyways, which goal have I reached only 1 month into the new year? Is it the have a better attitude goal? Of course not LoL. Make a 4.0 goal? Too soon to call it on that one. Is it the mystery goal? If only it was.... I've reached the GROW MY HAIR TO SHOULDER LEGNTH GOAL! THANK YOU THANK YOU...Please, there's no need for applause. LoL.. I know that this isn't my biggest goal but damnit, I'm ridiculously happy about it! Ya'll don't understand..my hair never grows! NEVA! And now, since I've taken a vow to take better care of my hair and it's paid off! YAY ME! Anyways, check the pix and below for the regimen.

Hi Haters

I'm on a little challenge with myself (and the Lord 8 ) to get a certain amount of homework done by midnight tonight so this will be brief. On tonight, I want to talk about the haters. Yes, the haters.

Now before, I begin my rant I must define what I feel a hater is. I believe that a hater is a person (or institution LoL) that wishes to block you from achieving your goals and reaching your fullest potential. That's what I think a hater is. I've been called a hater before. In fact, I was called a hater a few hours ago for asking a girl why does she let some dude call her out of her name. The guy called me a hater. Really, boo boo? I don't feel I'm a hater because I'm not trying to block anyone from succeeding. If anything, I wanted the girl to think critically about what she allows people to address her as.

Anyways, so.....I have haters. Not a lot here in Arkansas (I'm working on it LOL) but a whole heap of them back in California. Some used to be my close friends. When I began college last year at Clark Atlanta, I saw a vast difference in the way my friends back home treated me. All of a sudden, I was 'college girl who thought she was better than everybody'. Some of those 'friends' began to spread this before we even had any 'post-college' communication! Imagine that! Two months into my freshmen year and already I'm hearing a chorus of 'YOU'VE CHANGED, SADE!' My first X-Mas break was the worst! The only friends I had were college students themselves and even my family started treating me differently (not all of them..not even most...just a select few). What depressed me most was that a lot of the people who claimed that I 'was such a bad person now' were the people that I planned to help within the future working in the Child Welfare System. The people that knew what I went through and how I was raised (because they were raised the same way) now claimed that I had 'forgotten' where I came from.

So I address each claim: Do I think I'm better than anybody? No. Do I try to do the best in all that I attempt? Yes. If you don't understand the difference between the two...then that's your problem....Next, have I changed? HELLL YEAA! I mean, I've been gone for a year! You grow! That's naturally! If I came back after a year of college and was the same person I was before I left, then something wouldn't be right! I'm not the same person I was. If you can't understand that, then again...it sounds like a personal problem...Lastly, I've forgotten where I've come from....Lord, how I wish this were true! YEP! I said it! I wish I could forget! Why would I want to remember where I cam from? Would you like me to go down the list of reasons why I dont want to remember the past? It haunts me every damn day! I don't want to be associated with that part of my life. I deserved better than what I got.....However, I can't change the past...so I just wake up every morning and hope that it will get easier to deal with at some point. WHAT I have remembered is that there are 1000s of kids in Alameda County who were raised just like I was...and that there are 100,000s of them in the U.S. What I do remember is that they are the reasons that I am in college now. They are the ones I plan to help.

So to those friends, foes, associates and who knows...the 'eww she uglies' 'and hella lame' or the 'she hella fake and she done changed' ...to naysayers and raters..or to the professional game players...you have all been transformed to the category of HATERS!!!

I would ask for a speech but right now, I just can't be reached....Please try your call again.

...I'm slipping.

As soon as I'm done writing this, I'll start on my Marriage & Family homework. Since I'm trying to self-regulate and cease ill habits from jump, I'll admit that I've missed two classes. I skipped my Marriage & Family class yesterday because I didn't finish my homework and today, I over slept and missed my Mental/Physical/Community Health class. I've been laggin' on my homework too.... Since I'm catching on to this, I'm going to sit here w/ a pix of me when I was young. I think it will help me stay focused.

Any encouraging words?

P.S. Yes, that is probably dry snot in my nose. I WAS YOUNG!!! ...and please forgive the neon pink and green scrunchie too.

Philander Smith College

I'm just now coming back from our Bless The Mic session (go here to learn more about it http://www.philander.edu/lecture-series/ ) featuring Dr. Julia Hare, who is one of my new idols (right up there with Michelle Obama). The lecture was amazing and at the end, the adults who attended this free lecture were encouraged to buy some of Dr. Hare's books for us(us as in us students...It's late..I'm tired LoL) . Most of the adult attendees were alumni and faculty. I think there was around 100 students in the room and I doubt that even one left without a book. My book is called The Endangered Black Family: Coping with the Unisexualization and Coming Extinction of the Black Race (aint that deep? ). A woman who used to be a faculty member bought it for me.

Is this typical of colleges? I truly doubt it.

Change...we have to ENACT!

Congratulations President Obama...(Looking Fab Mrs. First Lady)

Roadblocks/Obstacles/Setbacks

A goal is not a goal without encountering a setback.

The worst thing about setbacks are that they're inevitable. It hasn't been a whole month into the new year and I've already been hit with a roadblock!...Stop..Let's reword that last statement in a more positive way. It took almost a whole month into the new year for one of those nasty obstacles to rear its ugly head.... OK, I tried..... Anyways, I can't be specific as to the problem because this just so happens to be associated with my mystery goal (Goal #6). However, no matter what the problem is...it always leaves you feeling stuck. Almost hopeless.

One of the good things about setbacks are that they're inevitable. LoL. Seriously, we'll always have them. What makes that good? Well, we have to learn from them... Correction, if we're wise, we'll learn from them. With each fall, we learn to pick ourselves up faster and if we're blessed with a little common sense, we might even be able to prevent another fall from happening.

So as I sit here, I think about the girl I was three years ago. I had just found out that I hadn't been accepted into ANY colleges that I applied too. It took me 3 months to get over this and begin planning my next steps. Fast Forward. I just found out some seriously bad news last Thursday. Friday, I was still pretty sad about it. Today, I'm doing my homework and thinking about plan Bs and Cs for Goal #6. I could be wrong but I think I'm getting wiser.

How are you?

Goals 2009

These are the goals of '09. Most of them are my introductory goals but I've added a few on. I'm going to do it completely divine and fine in '09. I hope you are too!

1. Build a stronger/closer bond with God/Jesus
Find a church home and attend regularly
Pray every night and thank God/Jesus often
Read one scripture a week
Be certain that my goals and actions are aligned with the plan God has for me

2. Obtain a 4.0 GPA
Attend all classes, punctually
Do all class work and homework on the day it is assigned (exceptions made for big semester projects and homework)
Meet with all professors at least 4 times per semester

3. Lose 40 lbs
Cut down on carbs and eat healthier foods in the café
NO FAST FOOD!
Drink 8 glasses of water
Exercise 3 days a week (make weekly schedule)

4. Lie Less, Laugh More
Think more before I speak
Smile more and count blessings often
Laugh at least once a day

5. Build confidence/self esteem
Continue to help others
Look in the mirror and vogue every morning
Believe and understand that I am fabulous no matter what
Continue to try and excel in all I do

6. ……………

7. Grow hair to shoulder length
Find a regimen and stick to it
Get advise from Board resources

8. Save $60/month
Figure out how much I can save per week
Don’t use credit cards at all this year (except for things you CAN pay for at that specific time)
Put money in savings account ASAP
Leave a $20 in glove compartment at all times

...............

I've been trying to ignore this since it happened. I can't any longer. I'd like to think that at some point we'll be able to co-exist in this world. Together. Citizens and law enforcement. I guess someday aint today. Or January 1st. Rest in peace Oscar Grant III.

STOP THE VIOLENCE

Back to School

So I'm back in Arkansas. My X-Mas break was terrible. I stayed with my sister and I did enjoy being around her and my niece and nephew but those kids are too much for me. Oakland is the same ol 'there-go-college-girl, she-aint-nobody, police-shooting-people-while-they're-down, crabs-in-a-barrel-syndrome' city. I don't mean to sound so pessimistic but dayum (I meant, dang.) Will it ever change? Can I go home and not be seen as fake or phony because I decided to leave? Will the OPD ever start protecting the citizens instead of killing the innocent? College is becoming more than a place of higher learning. It's becoming my oasis. My refuge. The one thing that is keeping me sane. When I go home, I feel so hopeless. When I'm here, I feel like anything is possible. I don't know whether I'm leaving something behind or just run away from it? Is there a difference? Does it matter?

My goals 09 post is coming up!