Hi Haters

I'm on a little challenge with myself (and the Lord 8 ) to get a certain amount of homework done by midnight tonight so this will be brief. On tonight, I want to talk about the haters. Yes, the haters.

Now before, I begin my rant I must define what I feel a hater is. I believe that a hater is a person (or institution LoL) that wishes to block you from achieving your goals and reaching your fullest potential. That's what I think a hater is. I've been called a hater before. In fact, I was called a hater a few hours ago for asking a girl why does she let some dude call her out of her name. The guy called me a hater. Really, boo boo? I don't feel I'm a hater because I'm not trying to block anyone from succeeding. If anything, I wanted the girl to think critically about what she allows people to address her as.

Anyways, so.....I have haters. Not a lot here in Arkansas (I'm working on it LOL) but a whole heap of them back in California. Some used to be my close friends. When I began college last year at Clark Atlanta, I saw a vast difference in the way my friends back home treated me. All of a sudden, I was 'college girl who thought she was better than everybody'. Some of those 'friends' began to spread this before we even had any 'post-college' communication! Imagine that! Two months into my freshmen year and already I'm hearing a chorus of 'YOU'VE CHANGED, SADE!' My first X-Mas break was the worst! The only friends I had were college students themselves and even my family started treating me differently (not all of them..not even most...just a select few). What depressed me most was that a lot of the people who claimed that I 'was such a bad person now' were the people that I planned to help within the future working in the Child Welfare System. The people that knew what I went through and how I was raised (because they were raised the same way) now claimed that I had 'forgotten' where I came from.

So I address each claim: Do I think I'm better than anybody? No. Do I try to do the best in all that I attempt? Yes. If you don't understand the difference between the two...then that's your problem....Next, have I changed? HELLL YEAA! I mean, I've been gone for a year! You grow! That's naturally! If I came back after a year of college and was the same person I was before I left, then something wouldn't be right! I'm not the same person I was. If you can't understand that, then again...it sounds like a personal problem...Lastly, I've forgotten where I've come from....Lord, how I wish this were true! YEP! I said it! I wish I could forget! Why would I want to remember where I cam from? Would you like me to go down the list of reasons why I dont want to remember the past? It haunts me every damn day! I don't want to be associated with that part of my life. I deserved better than what I got.....However, I can't change the past...so I just wake up every morning and hope that it will get easier to deal with at some point. WHAT I have remembered is that there are 1000s of kids in Alameda County who were raised just like I was...and that there are 100,000s of them in the U.S. What I do remember is that they are the reasons that I am in college now. They are the ones I plan to help.

So to those friends, foes, associates and who knows...the 'eww she uglies' 'and hella lame' or the 'she hella fake and she done changed' ...to naysayers and raters..or to the professional game players...you have all been transformed to the category of HATERS!!!

I would ask for a speech but right now, I just can't be reached....Please try your call again.

...I'm slipping.

As soon as I'm done writing this, I'll start on my Marriage & Family homework. Since I'm trying to self-regulate and cease ill habits from jump, I'll admit that I've missed two classes. I skipped my Marriage & Family class yesterday because I didn't finish my homework and today, I over slept and missed my Mental/Physical/Community Health class. I've been laggin' on my homework too.... Since I'm catching on to this, I'm going to sit here w/ a pix of me when I was young. I think it will help me stay focused.

Any encouraging words?

P.S. Yes, that is probably dry snot in my nose. I WAS YOUNG!!! ...and please forgive the neon pink and green scrunchie too.

Philander Smith College

I'm just now coming back from our Bless The Mic session (go here to learn more about it http://www.philander.edu/lecture-series/ ) featuring Dr. Julia Hare, who is one of my new idols (right up there with Michelle Obama). The lecture was amazing and at the end, the adults who attended this free lecture were encouraged to buy some of Dr. Hare's books for us(us as in us students...It's late..I'm tired LoL) . Most of the adult attendees were alumni and faculty. I think there was around 100 students in the room and I doubt that even one left without a book. My book is called The Endangered Black Family: Coping with the Unisexualization and Coming Extinction of the Black Race (aint that deep? ). A woman who used to be a faculty member bought it for me.

Is this typical of colleges? I truly doubt it.

Change...we have to ENACT!

Congratulations President Obama...(Looking Fab Mrs. First Lady)

Roadblocks/Obstacles/Setbacks

A goal is not a goal without encountering a setback.

The worst thing about setbacks are that they're inevitable. It hasn't been a whole month into the new year and I've already been hit with a roadblock!...Stop..Let's reword that last statement in a more positive way. It took almost a whole month into the new year for one of those nasty obstacles to rear its ugly head.... OK, I tried..... Anyways, I can't be specific as to the problem because this just so happens to be associated with my mystery goal (Goal #6). However, no matter what the problem is...it always leaves you feeling stuck. Almost hopeless.

One of the good things about setbacks are that they're inevitable. LoL. Seriously, we'll always have them. What makes that good? Well, we have to learn from them... Correction, if we're wise, we'll learn from them. With each fall, we learn to pick ourselves up faster and if we're blessed with a little common sense, we might even be able to prevent another fall from happening.

So as I sit here, I think about the girl I was three years ago. I had just found out that I hadn't been accepted into ANY colleges that I applied too. It took me 3 months to get over this and begin planning my next steps. Fast Forward. I just found out some seriously bad news last Thursday. Friday, I was still pretty sad about it. Today, I'm doing my homework and thinking about plan Bs and Cs for Goal #6. I could be wrong but I think I'm getting wiser.

How are you?

Goals 2009

These are the goals of '09. Most of them are my introductory goals but I've added a few on. I'm going to do it completely divine and fine in '09. I hope you are too!

1. Build a stronger/closer bond with God/Jesus
Find a church home and attend regularly
Pray every night and thank God/Jesus often
Read one scripture a week
Be certain that my goals and actions are aligned with the plan God has for me

2. Obtain a 4.0 GPA
Attend all classes, punctually
Do all class work and homework on the day it is assigned (exceptions made for big semester projects and homework)
Meet with all professors at least 4 times per semester

3. Lose 40 lbs
Cut down on carbs and eat healthier foods in the café
NO FAST FOOD!
Drink 8 glasses of water
Exercise 3 days a week (make weekly schedule)

4. Lie Less, Laugh More
Think more before I speak
Smile more and count blessings often
Laugh at least once a day

5. Build confidence/self esteem
Continue to help others
Look in the mirror and vogue every morning
Believe and understand that I am fabulous no matter what
Continue to try and excel in all I do

6. ……………

7. Grow hair to shoulder length
Find a regimen and stick to it
Get advise from Board resources

8. Save $60/month
Figure out how much I can save per week
Don’t use credit cards at all this year (except for things you CAN pay for at that specific time)
Put money in savings account ASAP
Leave a $20 in glove compartment at all times

...............

I've been trying to ignore this since it happened. I can't any longer. I'd like to think that at some point we'll be able to co-exist in this world. Together. Citizens and law enforcement. I guess someday aint today. Or January 1st. Rest in peace Oscar Grant III.

STOP THE VIOLENCE

Back to School

So I'm back in Arkansas. My X-Mas break was terrible. I stayed with my sister and I did enjoy being around her and my niece and nephew but those kids are too much for me. Oakland is the same ol 'there-go-college-girl, she-aint-nobody, police-shooting-people-while-they're-down, crabs-in-a-barrel-syndrome' city. I don't mean to sound so pessimistic but dayum (I meant, dang.) Will it ever change? Can I go home and not be seen as fake or phony because I decided to leave? Will the OPD ever start protecting the citizens instead of killing the innocent? College is becoming more than a place of higher learning. It's becoming my oasis. My refuge. The one thing that is keeping me sane. When I go home, I feel so hopeless. When I'm here, I feel like anything is possible. I don't know whether I'm leaving something behind or just run away from it? Is there a difference? Does it matter?

My goals 09 post is coming up!